Professor How!!! – Episode 22 – Love and Mozart

PROFESSOR HOW!!! – EPISODE 22 – LOVE AND MOZART

Professor How was Written, Directed and also Staring Graeme “The2ndDoctor” Sheridan, also Staring Adam J. Purcell from the Staggering Stories Podcast and Dr. Phillip “Dr. Phill” Serna from the Adventures in Time Space and Music Podcast. The Music is by Danny Stewart, artwork by Mr. Chinn of the Ministry. Other Helpful hints and Ideas by Robert Wentz. This has been a Jokerfilemedia production on Talkshoe and is available on iTunes and on Talkshoe ID’s 57949 for The2ndDoctors Podcast and 59601 for Professor How.

PROFESSOR HOW!!! – http://www.jokerfilemedia.de/Podcast.html

PROFESSOR HOW!!! IS A PROUD MEMBER OF THE DOCTOR WHO PODCAST ALLIANCE: http://www.doctorwhopodcastalliance.org/

OPEN AUDIO RECORDINGS USED:

Mozart – Overture to Don Giovanni, K.527 – http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Wolfgang_Amadeus_Mozart_-_Don_Giovanni_-_Overt%C3%BCre.ogg The Fulda Symphonic Orchestra, recorded April 9, 2000 at the Fürstensaal des fuldaer Stadtschlosses under the direction of Simon Schindler

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PROFESSOR HOW: LOVE AND MOZART

GRAEME “The2ndDoctor” SHERIDAN : PROFESSOR HOW
ADAM J PURCELL: ADAM
DR PHILLIP SERNA : MO ZART.

SAID-T LANDING.

PROFESSOR HOW
So lets see where we’ve ended up this time eh? Oh yeah alone never mind, I’m sure something will turn up soon.

SOUND: RUNNING

PROFESSOR HOW
Right on Cue!

ADAM
Professor! Professor!Professsssooooorrrrrr!

PROFESSOR HOW
Yeah Yeah, I heard you the first time! Aaanng on how do you know who I am?

ADAM
Er well ummm, Ahhh yes.

PROFESSOR HOW
I’m waiting!

ADAM
Yes you are! sorry er umm well Ahhh, yes…

PROFESSOR HOW
Spit it out man, got a frog in your throat?

ADAM
Er well, excuse me.

PROFESSOR HOW
Frog as a figure of speech not literally!

ADAM
Well er one can’t be sure when your around.

PROFESSOR HOW
Feeling better now? so what can I do you for, and HOW…DO…YOU…KNOW… MYYYY…NAME?

ADAM
Ah yes well, I was part of a group Called, SLADE.

PROFESSOR HOW
Slade? wasn’t that a Glam Rock group from the 1970`s?

ADAM
Yes also, er we SLADE were known for hunting the unusual, which mostly ended up being just Hedgehogs doing the deed, if you know what I mean, wink wink say no more.

PROFESSOR HOW
Are you going to A: tell me what SLADE means and B: your name!

ADAM
Yes sorry, SLADE is the South London Alien Detective Enterprise.

PROFESSOR HOW
Enterprise?

ADAM
Yes well it fitted and one of the members was a Star Trek fan, he insisted that Enterprise be part of the name.

PROFESSOR HOW
and B!

ADAM
Sorry I’m Adam.

PROFESSOR HOW
So hello Adam, hang on did your mum have a thing for Adam and the Ants?

ADAM
Yes she did how did you know?

PROFESSOR HOW
Just a guess, er…

ADAM
Your him aren’t you, mum said you were Santa! Christmas 1988!

PROFESSOR HOW
Yes errr how Time fly’s when your having problems.

ADAM
But you don’t look like you did back then!

PROFESSOR HOW
Yeah well I rejuvenated since then, and I was working for a Military group.

ADAM
Are you my?????

PROFESSOR HOW
No, I’m not, I was in fact investigating the disappearance of your father, after a rather disastrous drilling episode. I mean fancy thinking you could drill for Toothpaste.

ADAM
You never found him then.

PROFESSOR HOW
Well I suppose I could tell you now. Er he sort of had been at your house all the time. It turns out that due to the weird gloop that had been found at the Drill site, he’d transmuted into a living cup cake! I mean a Cupcake! and well I found crumbs did a DNA check it had been him.

ADAM
So who ate him?

PROFESSOR HOW
Your dog I’m afraid. Sorry.

ADAM
Well thanks for the Truth, but odd that because that’s what been happening to the members of SLADE. They’ve been going missing and all that anyone could find was a some sort of Baked item. Cakes, Doughnuts, on one case a Sausage roll. That was when… oh my.

PROFESSOR HOW
What’s up?

ADAM
Pete went missing all the Police could find was a Sausage roll. Oh I think I’m going to be sick Hmmmmmmm Eeeeeeuuugh!

PROFESSOR HOW
Well there’s one good thing.

ADAM
(STROKING TONGUE AS YOU’VE EATEN SOMETHING YOU SHOULDN’T
HAVE) WAAAATHSS Thaaaa?

PROFESSOR HOW
Only a few survived that incident, have you had any new members recently?

ADAM
Eehh? Yeth.

PROFESSOR HOW
You can stop that now, pointless really, you’ve eaten other things since then.

ADAM
Waath. Oh yes sorry.

PROFESSOR HOW
so?

ADAM
Ah yes there was this chap called Mo.

PROFESSOR HOW
Was there now, Mo Zart?

ADAM
Yes that’s him, odd fella, loves his classical music. And he’s the only other surviving member of SLADE. He didn’t like the group title either, said it had no class, stinked of the Polyester era it came from.

PROFESSOR HOW
Polly Who?

ADAM
Sorry are you listening?

PROFESSOR HOW
Yes sorry I was thinking as what he wanted to call your group instead. Aria possibly.

ADAM
Yes exactly, ARIA or Alien Resonance Investigation Agency.

PROFESSOR HOW
I thought as much.

ADAM
Is he suspect, I mean you have met him before I take it?

PROFESSOR HOW
Oh yes, and by the sounds of it he manged successfully to scoop up some of this gloop, from the drilling project. I think he may be after me, sorry.

ADAM
How do you come to that conclusion?

PROFESSOR HOW
I was investigating your Dad’s disappearance. And one thing and another well I have a bad habit of major Coincidences.

ADAM
Is that even English?

PROFESSOR HOW
Don’t know, the SAID-T translates everything, I’m speaking Frey-Bentosian.

ADAM
That Sofa over there, Blue. with a Flashing blue light on the Headrest and Police written down both arms?

PROFESSOR HOW
Yes that, it was supposed to be a Telephone box of some sort. Some Californian Airheads called Bill and something kept on going oh Awesome dude. and then went on to play air guitar. So It settled like that.

ADAM
Wouldn’t a 1960’s London Police box been more appropriate?

PROFESSOR HOW
Would it? oh well she’s stuck like that now, the Calamari circuits bust. And I just can’t be bothered to fix it.

ADAM
So what now? where do we go looking for him, because I haven’t seen him in weeks!

PROFESSOR HOW
Does Mo wear a wig, that would be more appropriate to 1780’s Vienna?

ADAM
Last time I saw him yes definitely! Oh!

MO ZART
Ah Professor it was only a matter of time before you appeared, and this time I am ready for you.

ADAM
Hang on (In a Blackadder style, if possible, thanks) Vienna, 1780’s Mo Zart, MO ZART, Mozart! Oh jees, and anyway why does he have an American Accent? Professor how
far away can your SAID-T Translate?

PROFESSOR HOW
He’s got his own translation device.

ADAM
The Wig?

PROFESSOR HOW
Yes the wig, it looked out of place in the 1980’s never mind now. But with an evermore accepting public, and the fact that a lot of the English just ignore the odd, he could keep on circulating in the public eye without drawing attention.

ADAM
Is he?

MO ZART
Am I exactly what your SLADE has been searching for all hese years? Yes I am. Most so called Child prodigy’s are!

ADAM
What even Lang Lang?

MO ZART
Especially Lang Lang! you’ve seen the way he looks as he plays Piano haven’t you?

ADAM
I’d suspected. Oh blast, I was right, I said to Pete, I even made a bet with him, now thanks to you MO! that’s a bet winnings I’ll never see!

MO ZART
I hope you found Pete to your Tastebuds satifaction?

PROFESSOR HOW
Now now!

MO ZART
They turned down my Idea to rename SLADE into ARIA!

PROFESSOR HOW
Yeah yeah we know! What other things did you try to rename? Going out on a reccy, Oh why don’t we call it a Concerto. Spying, oh why don’t we call that, oh something rediculous like a Rondo eh?

ADAM
Actually he wanted to call a Reccy patrol a Rondo.

PROFESSOR HOW
Really? sounds a litle too normal for him.

MO ZART
One mellows with age Professor, well most of us do. The only thing I want now is revenge on you!

PROFESSOR HOW
I suppose you’ve got some of that Drill experiment slime with you!

MO ZART
Loaded into this water pistol, what no! no! not this!

ADAM
What’s up? leaky waterpistol? Eh?

PROFESSOR HOW
Adam’s right you know! those dear one’s are really worth their money, pump action and everything! Plus you don’t have to get in near to use them!

ADAM
Speaking from experience eh Professor?

PROFESSOR HOW
Oh YES! Be very interesting to see what you turn into Mo! All that Austro-German heratige flowing through your viens, Apfel Strudel or Güglhupf or Baked Cheese cake I wonder?

MO ZART
You think this is the last of me, but I do have a back up plan, a piece of music so awful that it will turn this planet, and you included into mindless Zombies.

PROFESSOR HOW
What anymore than they are now? I mean I’m not worried about me, but all those poor Human’s who get up, eat breakfast, goto work in a mind numbing job. Come home eat dinner, fall onto the sofa, infront of the TV, which usually has some rehash of a predictable soap opera. Or some even more mind killing reality show. Nooo they’ve already done it themselves.

MO ZART
You mean the only change I could have made was write some more new Sonata’s Concerto’s or Opera’s?

PROFESSOR HOW
Possibly, that would have been a start, such a waste really.

MO ZART
Why?

PROFESSOR HOW
Well it would have been Ling Ling playing it, and as everyone know’s you can never concentrate on the music the sort of silly faces he pulls. I mean Really? It’s like watching a confused cat trying to play the Piano, while silently playing out an old Monty Python Sketch!

ADAM
I think he’s almost gone, Professor.

PROFESSOR HOW
Yeah he is.

MO ZART
Dum Dum Dum Duuuummmmm! (Done to tune of Beethoven’s 5th)

ADAM
Composing even to the very end!

PROFESSOR HOW
No he just pinched that from Beethoven. Probably that or Daisy Daisy, give me your answer do. So what cake was he in the end.

ADAM
Ommmm whaaaat, look someone left a cake behind! Black forest Gateu, mmmm My Favourite. (Done as if you have a full mouth)

PROFESSOR HOW
I wonder should I tell him? Naaah looks happy enough.

SOUND: SAID-T TAKING OFF.

SOUND: OUTRO CRUNCH

END CREDITS
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ADVENTURES IN TIME, SPACE AND MUSIC IS A PROUD MEMBER OF THE DOCTOR WHO PODCAST ALLIANCE: http://www.doctorwhopodcastalliance.org/

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‘Professor How!!!’ and Adventures in Time Space and Music are not endorsed by the BBC in any way and is intended for entertainment and educational purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended.

The Official Doctor Who site can be found at http://bbc.co.uk/doctorwho.

Doctor Who, all associated logos, names and references to characters, vehicles and any other Doctor Who related items are registered trademarks and/or copyrights of the BBC, or their respective trademark and copyright holders.

All original content of this podcast, both musical and textual, is the intellectual property of Graeme Sheridan – unless otherwise indicated. © Copyright 2011

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Adventures in Time, Space and Music is a Proud Member of the Doctor Who Podcast Alliance - http://www.doctorwhopodcastalliance.org/. Adventures in Time, Space and Music is not endorsed by the BBC in any way and is intended for entertainment and educational purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended. The Official Doctor Who Site can be found at http://bbc.co.uk/doctorwho. Doctor Who, all associated logos, names and references to characters, vehicles and any other Doctor Who related items are registered trademarks and/or copyrights of the BBC, or their respective trademark and copyright holders.

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